1 00:00:02,043 --> 00:00:03,586 [TV static drones] 2 00:00:03,586 --> 00:00:05,964 [bright tone] 3 00:00:05,964 --> 00:00:08,633 It was a hot summer day in Brooklyn 4 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:11,803 on July 14, 2022. 5 00:00:11,803 --> 00:00:14,639 Alicia Renny smiled in the mirror of the basement 6 00:00:14,639 --> 00:00:17,434 of the Holy Ghost of the Sanctified Aunties Church, 7 00:00:17,434 --> 00:00:20,895 knowing she was about to marry the love of her life 8 00:00:20,895 --> 00:00:25,400 but also not knowing this would be one of the last days 9 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,069 she would spend alive. 10 00:00:28,069 --> 00:00:32,449 This is "Fresh to Def: The Black Culture Murder Podcast." 11 00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:35,660 Every week we'll examine true crimes against the culture. 12 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:38,455 I'm your host, Dilly Byrd. 13 00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,623 As Alicia walked down the aisle, 14 00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:44,711 beaming at her fiancé, Brick Flowz, her heart sunk. 15 00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,130 Something was wrong. 16 00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,506 Her eyes floated 17 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:51,551 down the wannabe rapper's tux to his feet, 18 00:00:51,551 --> 00:00:54,304 where he was wearing Lugz... 19 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,306 [eerie music] 20 00:00:56,306 --> 00:00:58,308 With a tux. 21 00:00:58,308 --> 00:00:59,934 But those boots weren't the only crime 22 00:00:59,934 --> 00:01:01,728 that would be committed that day. 23 00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,646 More after the break. 24 00:01:03,646 --> 00:01:04,606 [air horn blares] 25 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:05,774 Do y'all like Brooklinen sheets? 26 00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,442 They're the most comfortable sheets around, 27 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:08,651 with an 800-thread count 28 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,612 and all the Egyptian cotton a nigga could ask for. 29 00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:12,697 Do yourself a favor and cop them Brooklinen sheets 30 00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,449 if you want to snore louder than your moms 31 00:01:14,449 --> 00:01:15,950 after the mailman blew her back out. 32 00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:19,120 Hit 'em up, and use our promo code, "Nigga, Get Off My Mama," 33 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,497 for 20% off now. 34 00:01:20,497 --> 00:01:22,916 Better sleep, better bustin', better life. 35 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,459 Brooklinen! 36 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:27,128 [hip-hop music] 37 00:01:27,128 --> 00:01:28,338 [eerie music] 38 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,548 After leaving Brick at the altar, 39 00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,009 Alicia escaped to the Cayman Islands 40 00:01:33,009 --> 00:01:35,178 to hide from the shame. 41 00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:36,513 While lying on the beach, 42 00:01:36,513 --> 00:01:39,557 a woman approached her and offered to braid her hair. 43 00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:43,561 The only catch was, the woman was white. 44 00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:46,314 Alicia looked around, but they were alone. 45 00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:47,607 She agreed. 46 00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:50,693 The woman expertly parted and plaited her hair, 47 00:01:50,693 --> 00:01:53,655 giving Alicia the best braids she'd ever had in her life. 48 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,157 At the end, Alicia thanked her 49 00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:58,535 and asked her her name. 50 00:01:58,535 --> 00:02:01,204 The woman said, "Rachel... 51 00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:02,705 Rachel Dolezal." 52 00:02:02,705 --> 00:02:03,748 [air horn blares] 53 00:02:03,748 --> 00:02:05,542 Betterhelp could get your mental right! 54 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,377 You got a girl that's driving you crazy, 55 00:02:07,377 --> 00:02:10,213 a car that's driving you crazy, a job that's driving you crazy, 56 00:02:10,213 --> 00:02:12,215 mercury and micro-brain driving you crazy? 57 00:02:12,215 --> 00:02:13,633 Betterhelp could help you out. 58 00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,218 For real, I don't think they real therapists 59 00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:16,386 'cause the prices is mad low. 60 00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:17,846 But a deal's a deal, my guy. 61 00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:21,057 Hit 'em up now--use the promo code "Get Your Mind Right" 62 00:02:21,057 --> 00:02:25,186 for 18% off Betterhelp! 63 00:02:25,186 --> 00:02:27,981 [hip-hop music] 64 00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,149 [eerie music] 65 00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:30,358 After struggling 66 00:02:30,358 --> 00:02:32,360 with the guilt of getting colonizer cornrows, 67 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,572 Alicia turned to the last place she could find solace-- 68 00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:37,365 the TELFAR website. 69 00:02:37,365 --> 00:02:39,993 She ordered a small pleather bag 70 00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:42,203 and waited. 71 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,705 But little did she know-- 72 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:44,873 [air horn blares] 73 00:02:44,873 --> 00:02:46,791 HelloFresh--I thought it was a mobile barbershop, 74 00:02:46,791 --> 00:02:49,878 but it's really groceries! 75 00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:54,424 She would wait for that bag until she died. 76 00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:56,426 I'm Dilly Byrd, and this has been 77 00:02:56,426 --> 00:02:59,721 "Fresh to Def: The Black Culture Murder Podcast." 78 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:00,722 [air horn blares] 79 00:03:00,722 --> 00:03:02,223 Sponsored by TELFAR! 80 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:05,268 [hip-hop music] 81 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:09,689 [Doechii's "I Told Em"] 82 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,482 ♪ We told 'em we was kings, we showed 'em the machine ♪ 83 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,526 ♪ I been gave 'em the keys, I been flew overseas ♪ 84 00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:15,570 ♪ I been knew I'm a queen, I been knew I was free ♪ 85 00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,572 ♪ I told 'em, I told 'em, I told 'em, goddamn ♪ 86 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,574 ♪ I been whippin' the rolls, I been bookin' the shows ♪ 87 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:21,618 ♪ I been takin' the hoes, they been calling me doe ♪ 88 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,703 ♪ I been pickin' the clothes, I been knew I was gold ♪ 89 00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,288 ♪ I told 'em, I told 'em, I told 'em ♪ 90 00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:28,750 ♪ Holla, ooh ♪ 91 00:03:28,750 --> 00:03:31,336 ♪ I told 'em, goddamn ♪ 92 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,421 ♪ What you told 'em ♪ 93 00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:37,300 ♪ The funk don't matter if it's not cross chatter ♪ 94 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,136 ♪ If the Black Lives Matter I would know ♪ 95 00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,804 ♪ What you told 'em, what you told 'em, goddamn ♪ 96 00:03:41,804 --> 00:03:43,306 ♪ ♪ 97 00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:44,807 ♪ I would know, what you told 'em ♪ 98 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,309 ♪ What you told 'em, goddamn ♪ 99 00:03:47,393 --> 00:03:51,606 [dramatic music] 100 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:54,609 Okay, tassels. Ashé. 101 00:03:54,609 --> 00:03:56,486 - Oh, damn, I'm ashy? - No, I was saying-- 102 00:03:56,486 --> 00:03:58,404 Ooh, good looking out, Nadia. Hoo! 103 00:03:58,404 --> 00:03:59,614 [door opens] 104 00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:01,616 Okay? Come on, hat. 105 00:04:01,616 --> 00:04:03,534 Come on, suave and mauve. 106 00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:05,954 Come on, when the saints come marching in. 107 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,623 Another jury could never. [door opens] 108 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:09,874 Ah. 109 00:04:09,874 --> 00:04:12,835 Oh, well, turn to your neighbor and say "good morning." 110 00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:15,004 - all: Good morning. 111 00:04:15,004 --> 00:04:16,130 - Good morning. - All right. 112 00:04:16,130 --> 00:04:17,340 {\an8}Well, allow me to welcome you 113 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,550 {\an8}to the Black Lady Courtroom, 114 00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,636 {\an8}where every day is justice 115 00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,554 {\an8}for just us. Ha ha. 116 00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:25,348 {\an8}Now we have our own space, 117 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:26,724 {\an8}and we have our first case. 118 00:04:26,724 --> 00:04:28,601 all: Black Lady Courtroom. 119 00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,104 Black Lady Courtroom. [clapping hands] 120 00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,147 Black Lady Courtroom. 121 00:04:33,147 --> 00:04:34,148 Black Lady-- 122 00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:37,318 [claps hands] 123 00:04:37,318 --> 00:04:38,486 {\an8}- [chair scrapes] - Oh. 124 00:04:38,486 --> 00:04:39,654 {\an8}Trina, whoa. [chuckles] 125 00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:41,364 You on the wrong side, girl. 126 00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,116 Yeah, see, you the defendant. [chuckles] 127 00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,867 You usually commit the crime, so... 128 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:48,162 Miss Bailiff, today I'm not a defendant. 129 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,998 - I'm a lawyer. - Huh? 130 00:04:49,998 --> 00:04:51,666 What you talking about? 131 00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:53,751 You are the group chat's most requested update. 132 00:04:53,751 --> 00:04:55,086 They gonna gag when they hear this. 133 00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:57,547 I got to get this on camera. Come on, girl, smile. 134 00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,174 - Oh, okay. - Say "scam likely." 135 00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:01,342 - [camera shutter clicks] - Look, ma'am, 136 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:03,970 I know my history with the court is more complicated 137 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,722 than Nick Cannon's Father's Day plans. 138 00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,807 - That's complicated. - First, I was being sued. 139 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:10,226 Then I committed petty crimes to come back. 140 00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:12,603 - A lot of them, yeah. - But now I'm proud to say 141 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:15,064 that I have worked through online law school, 142 00:05:15,064 --> 00:05:16,899 and I'm ready to present a what? 143 00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:19,360 Black lady lawsuit! [gavel bangs] 144 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,529 Trina, we have real cases to try. 145 00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,530 Mm-hmm. 146 00:05:22,530 --> 00:05:23,906 But if you happen to have some tea, 147 00:05:23,906 --> 00:05:25,199 - you feel free to pour. - Hey, now. 148 00:05:25,199 --> 00:05:28,161 All right, the case of our girl Trina versus... 149 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,412 W-who are you suing? 150 00:05:29,412 --> 00:05:32,123 My old high-school bestie, Chloe M. 151 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:34,334 The case of our girl Trina versus Chloe M. 152 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,376 is now in session. 153 00:05:35,376 --> 00:05:37,003 {\an8}The Honorable and Fierce 154 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:38,796 {\an8}Judge Anita Harper presiding. 155 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:39,922 {\an8}Now, wait a minute. 156 00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:40,965 {\an8}- Where's the defendant? - I don't know. 157 00:05:40,965 --> 00:05:42,175 {\an8}But she's living rent-free in my head. 158 00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,093 {\an8}Hey, I really wanted to meet your bestie. 159 00:05:44,093 --> 00:05:45,845 {\an8}Yeah, me too. 160 00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:47,263 {\an8}Well, I guess we won't have 161 00:05:47,263 --> 00:05:49,015 {\an8}a Black lady lawsuit today. 162 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,767 {\an8}- What? - Now, now there, 163 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:51,726 {\an8}Black lady jury, 164 00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:52,727 {\an8}it's all right. 165 00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:53,978 {\an8}We will live to kiki another day. 166 00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,229 {\an8}[door opens] 167 00:05:55,229 --> 00:05:56,564 Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 168 00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,566 My client was giving her dog a silk press. 169 00:05:58,566 --> 00:05:59,984 Didn't go well. 170 00:05:59,984 --> 00:06:02,528 What in the U-part? 171 00:06:02,528 --> 00:06:04,989 What is this, a courtroom or a Bronner Bros. show? 172 00:06:04,989 --> 00:06:06,741 - [chuckles] - Nikki, look! 173 00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:08,076 I'm a lawyer now. 174 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,119 Now my former client's suing me 175 00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:12,371 in a Black lady courtroom. 176 00:06:12,371 --> 00:06:13,581 [laughs] 177 00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:18,461 Ladies and ladies of the jury... 178 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:20,630 Oh, my bad, I thought the--the Black was silent. 179 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:22,131 Sorry. I apologize. 180 00:06:22,131 --> 00:06:25,468 This woman runs through my mind more than a Nike ad, 181 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:28,262 and it is for that reason that I am suing her 182 00:06:28,262 --> 00:06:29,847 for my brain space back. 183 00:06:29,847 --> 00:06:32,975 - Go off, Langston Sues! - [chuckles] 184 00:06:32,975 --> 00:06:35,394 Objection. Trina, that's not a thing. 185 00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:37,647 But your Bantu knots are everything. 186 00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:39,107 Okay, you better do it. 187 00:06:39,107 --> 00:06:40,441 Well, can I get some love? 188 00:06:40,441 --> 00:06:43,319 Because I just got my first Black lady objection. 189 00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:46,114 - [weak clapping] - Nope. No, the beat. 190 00:06:46,114 --> 00:06:47,532 {\an8}- That wasn't good. - The beat was off. 191 00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,033 You tried it, sis. 192 00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:51,828 Chloe M. occupies a high-rise in my mind for one reason-- 193 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:54,622 because she has hundreds and thousands 194 00:06:54,622 --> 00:06:56,499 of followers more than me. 195 00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:59,168 Objection. [giggles] 196 00:06:59,168 --> 00:07:01,045 all: Aw. 197 00:07:01,045 --> 00:07:02,588 - I want that on a T-shirt. - Oh, my God. 198 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:03,673 That's why she's so popular. 199 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,424 She doesn't even do anything but be cute. 200 00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:07,468 Black lady hating. 201 00:07:07,468 --> 00:07:08,553 I'm not. 202 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:09,846 Jury ma'ams, Chloe M.-- 203 00:07:09,846 --> 00:07:12,181 she makes shopping TikToks, recipe reels, 204 00:07:12,181 --> 00:07:13,850 YouTube tutorials, 205 00:07:13,850 --> 00:07:15,309 and everybody eats them up. 206 00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:19,522 Me--I post homemade food pics, and I lose followers. 207 00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,190 - Why? - Probably trash. 208 00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:22,859 What is your at? Uh, you know, for the record. 209 00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:23,985 You can follow me 210 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,778 at "If You Think I'm Cute, "Just Look in the Mirror, 211 00:07:25,778 --> 00:07:27,655 'Cause I'm Merely a Reflection of You on Everything" 212 00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:29,657 - all: Aw. - Girl, you better stop. 213 00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,450 - What? - Oh, my goodness. 214 00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,660 That's too many characters. 215 00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,871 You can't even have an Instagram name that long. 216 00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,165 Your Honor, I move that we protect Chloe at all costs. 217 00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:38,457 {\an8}Sustained. 218 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,667 What? No. 219 00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,502 This is exactly what I'm talking about. 220 00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:43,838 Everybody loves her... 221 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:44,839 and not me. 222 00:07:44,839 --> 00:07:46,966 She's giving real "pick me" energy. 223 00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,217 - Aw. - [sobs, sniffles] 224 00:07:48,217 --> 00:07:49,385 {\an8}Got to let them toxins out. 225 00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:51,012 {\an8}Go on and cry. All right. 226 00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,889 {\an8}Your honor, may I approach? 227 00:07:52,889 --> 00:07:54,056 {\an8}You may. 228 00:07:54,056 --> 00:07:56,392 Thank you. Here I come, and now I'm gonna turn. 229 00:07:56,392 --> 00:07:58,603 - Trina. - Huh? 230 00:07:58,603 --> 00:08:00,354 - Hey. - Yeah? 231 00:08:00,354 --> 00:08:02,523 Listen, don't worry about perfect Chloe over there. 232 00:08:02,523 --> 00:08:05,193 Now, you just stopped scamming, what, two days ago? 233 00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,777 Okay, but look what you've done. 234 00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:10,865 You logged on to shemarmoorelegalschool.com, 235 00:08:10,865 --> 00:08:13,075 and you got your degree, okay? 236 00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,619 - You did that. - I graduated. 237 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,204 You graduated, and what did he give you? 238 00:08:16,204 --> 00:08:17,246 A lap dance. 239 00:08:17,246 --> 00:08:18,831 - A lap dance. - That's what he do. 240 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,499 Did your diploma say "baby girl"? 241 00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:21,709 - That's the bonus. - Give it time. 242 00:08:21,709 --> 00:08:23,753 One day you're gonna post a food pic. 243 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,588 Somebody's gonna like it by accident. 244 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:26,756 It won't be me, I promise. 245 00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:28,633 If I could triple-tap it, I would. 246 00:08:28,633 --> 00:08:29,884 all: Aw. 247 00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:31,302 That means you just dislike it. 248 00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,179 - I love you, Trina. - Don't care. 249 00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,766 Judge, I move that Trina drop this case... 250 00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:40,186 and then drop her skincare routine, 'cause you glowing! 251 00:08:40,186 --> 00:08:42,647 - [laughter] - I'm glowing. 252 00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:44,565 Trina, now, you know we love you, girl, 253 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:45,733 but if we all sued the people 254 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,401 that are running rent-free in our minds, 255 00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:49,153 we would never leave the Black Lady Courtroom. 256 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:50,738 I move to strike... 257 00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:51,739 a pose! 258 00:08:51,739 --> 00:08:52,782 Hey! 259 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,408 Let's go, Chloe, hit that selfie. 260 00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:55,743 Black Lady Courtroom. 261 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,745 Losing never felt so good. 262 00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:58,955 It's all you do. [laughs] 263 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:00,915 all: Black Lady Courtroom. [clapping hands] 264 00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:04,669 Black Lady Courtroom. 265 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,921 - Black Lady Courtroom. - You better get it. 266 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,965 - all: Black Lady Courtroom. - Hey! 267 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,593 - all: Black Lady Courtroom. - You better do it! 268 00:09:12,593 --> 00:09:15,263 {\an8}[upbeat music] 269 00:09:15,263 --> 00:09:18,432 {\an8}Hi, my name is Jazzterri Jackalterri, 270 00:09:18,432 --> 00:09:21,477 but you know me best for playing Shantira the bailiff. 271 00:09:21,477 --> 00:09:24,230 My ultimate goal is to make enough money acting 272 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,774 so that I can pay my way through college-- 273 00:09:26,774 --> 00:09:27,942 stripper college. 274 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:30,152 In fact, I just applied to MIT-- 275 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:32,113 the Milkjug Institute of Tassels. 276 00:09:32,113 --> 00:09:33,906 It's the home of the Thundering Titties. 277 00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,242 Clear heels, full pockets, can't lose. 278 00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,786 Except my pockets are not deep enough to attend, 279 00:09:38,786 --> 00:09:42,123 because my parents--they refuse to help pay for my tuition. 280 00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:45,501 And they would always say that they had my back. 281 00:09:45,501 --> 00:09:47,962 Clearly, that didn't mean my pussy and my crack. 282 00:09:47,962 --> 00:09:50,589 Any day I'll get the final word from financial aid. 283 00:09:50,589 --> 00:09:54,343 So, until then, I just hope that my booty gets to pop... 284 00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:56,053 instead of my dreams. [cell phone chimes] 285 00:09:56,053 --> 00:09:58,222 Excuse me one second. 286 00:09:58,222 --> 00:10:01,225 [gasps] It's an email from MIT. 287 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:02,476 [gasps] 288 00:10:02,476 --> 00:10:05,688 {\an8}Oh, I am gonna break down if I don't get to bust down. 289 00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:10,943 Hear ye, hear ye! 290 00:10:10,943 --> 00:10:14,530 On behalf of the Empress of Soul, 291 00:10:14,530 --> 00:10:17,658 the Monarch of the Midnight Train, 292 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:21,829 the Righteous Ruler of Peasants and Pips, 293 00:10:21,829 --> 00:10:25,207 Queen Gladys Knight I... 294 00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,834 [chuckling] 295 00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,253 I call to order this meeting 296 00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,547 of the Knights of the Round Table. 297 00:10:31,547 --> 00:10:32,548 [staff taps] 298 00:10:32,548 --> 00:10:34,884 Today we welcome a new member. 299 00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:37,762 I've known her since she was a pip... 300 00:10:37,762 --> 00:10:38,763 squeak... 301 00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,598 - both: Whoo-whoo. - [chuckling] 302 00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,600 My niece Knight Olive. 303 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:44,101 It's such an honor to be a knight 304 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,519 at your Round Table, Your Majesty. 305 00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,271 It really took me by surprise, I must say, 306 00:10:47,271 --> 00:10:48,481 when I found out yesterday. 307 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,649 Welcome. 308 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:53,486 Seems like you're here on your own merits, definitely. 309 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:54,528 [chuckles] 310 00:10:54,528 --> 00:10:57,073 Knight Olive, we'll start with your report. 311 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:58,741 What have you heard through the grapevine? 312 00:10:58,741 --> 00:11:01,911 Good Knights of the Round... and Auntie, 313 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,871 I bring dire news of the bubonic plague 314 00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:05,164 spreading through the villages. 315 00:11:05,164 --> 00:11:07,291 Some people say you may die if you-- 316 00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:09,418 Oh, come on, come on. 317 00:11:09,418 --> 00:11:12,505 Enough with these facts. You're a knight, not a nurse. 318 00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:14,298 Crier, quit your crying. 319 00:11:14,298 --> 00:11:16,092 She doesn't know how this works yet. 320 00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,927 I've created this table 321 00:11:17,927 --> 00:11:20,388 so that we may delight in tawdry tales. 322 00:11:20,388 --> 00:11:21,430 - [chuckles] - Mm-hmm. 323 00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:23,099 Now tell us something juicy. 324 00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:25,226 Oh, this better be good, or I swear... 325 00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:26,268 Seriously. 326 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,270 People's hands and feet are going gangrene. 327 00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:30,648 - Oh, my God, come on! - Gangrene? Who is that? 328 00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,692 Olive is boring us with her accurate news. 329 00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:33,859 Okay, okay, okay. 330 00:11:33,859 --> 00:11:35,736 Knight Agnes... [chuckles] 331 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,113 Show her how it's done. 332 00:11:37,113 --> 00:11:39,448 What have you heard through the grapevine? 333 00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:41,742 Mine ears were privy to the whispers 334 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,702 that Pellinore's infant's father, 335 00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:45,955 Gareth of Galahad, spent all of his shillings on a griffin. 336 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:47,832 A griffin? 337 00:11:47,832 --> 00:11:50,042 - Pellinore kicked his ass out! - Oh. 338 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:52,128 And he's been slumbering in the stables henceforth. 339 00:11:52,128 --> 00:11:55,047 - Slumbering in the stables? - No, she didn't. 340 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,383 Is that why he's been walking around here 341 00:11:57,383 --> 00:11:59,135 smelling like fresh shit? 342 00:11:59,135 --> 00:12:00,636 - Grade-A shit, yes. - Dirty. 343 00:12:00,636 --> 00:12:02,805 Let us find out the only stable relationship 344 00:12:02,805 --> 00:12:04,181 he's been in is with a horse. 345 00:12:04,181 --> 00:12:06,225 - Oh! Oh! - Oh, I knew it. 346 00:12:06,225 --> 00:12:08,644 What are we doing? People are dying. 347 00:12:08,644 --> 00:12:10,479 [mockingly] People are dying. 348 00:12:10,479 --> 00:12:14,942 Well, I'm dying to hear your tea, Knight Matilda. 349 00:12:14,942 --> 00:12:15,985 Spilleth. 350 00:12:15,985 --> 00:12:18,112 Well, it's been heralded 351 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:20,739 that the kitchen wench, Bellamy of House of Knotless Braids, 352 00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:23,200 brought much dishonor upon her tavern. 353 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,786 The lady proclaimed to have boar on the menu, 354 00:12:25,786 --> 00:12:28,497 but guess who was caught skinning rats for supper/ 355 00:12:28,497 --> 00:12:30,291 - Very poor. - Oh! 356 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:31,792 - No mead, all shade. - Uh-huh. 357 00:12:31,792 --> 00:12:33,169 If you season rat properly, 358 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,712 it tastes actually quite delicious. 359 00:12:34,712 --> 00:12:36,005 With what? 360 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,883 You know the spice trade's been late since the Crusades. 361 00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,218 That actually relates to my next herald. 362 00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,387 This plague is being spread by rats. 363 00:12:43,387 --> 00:12:45,514 - all: Skip! - Skip it! 364 00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,974 [shouts indistinctly] 365 00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:49,018 Three semesters at night school 366 00:12:49,018 --> 00:12:50,394 did not prepare me for this. 367 00:12:50,394 --> 00:12:51,896 Did it prepare you to shut up? 368 00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:54,315 Ah, settle down! 369 00:12:54,315 --> 00:12:57,067 Let's get back to eavesdropping it like it's hot. 370 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:59,195 - Knight Agnes! - Oh, yes, Your Majesty. 371 00:12:59,195 --> 00:13:00,988 You heard tale of the Hapsburg family, yes? 372 00:13:00,988 --> 00:13:02,031 Mm-hmm. 373 00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:03,866 Lo, they are all cousins wed to cousins. 374 00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,784 - all: Oh! - Cousins and cousins? 375 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:07,786 Meaning they are more inbred than a venison sandwich. 376 00:13:07,786 --> 00:13:09,288 That's why their faces look like this. 377 00:13:09,288 --> 00:13:10,664 Ooh. 378 00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:13,334 - Top that, Knight Matilda. - Two bits, two bits. 379 00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:15,544 - Lend me your ears... - Good habits, Matilda. 380 00:13:15,544 --> 00:13:16,837 And harken these words. 381 00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:19,548 Lancelot claims he went out and got the Holy Grail. 382 00:13:19,548 --> 00:13:21,926 Alas, he went out and lost it, too. 383 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:23,052 Ooh! 384 00:13:23,052 --> 00:13:25,387 He imbibed way too much mulled wine with Meg 385 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:27,723 and all of her stallions, if you catch my drift. 386 00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,433 all: Ooh! 387 00:13:29,433 --> 00:13:31,268 Is this heretofore or theretofore 388 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:32,811 his sneaky link with Queen Guinevere? 389 00:13:32,811 --> 00:13:35,147 Guinevere, yes, I knew she was a ho. 390 00:13:35,147 --> 00:13:36,398 - [laughs] - [shouts] 391 00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:39,318 This is nothing like what I expected! 392 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,195 Nobody cares that the black death 393 00:13:41,195 --> 00:13:42,363 is gonna get our Black asses? 394 00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:43,989 - No. - No. Skip it. 395 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:45,199 Silence! 396 00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:47,076 You say the word, Queen Gladys, 397 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,828 and I'll joust her into next week, I will. 398 00:13:49,828 --> 00:13:51,038 And that's on Merlin 399 00:13:51,038 --> 00:13:52,706 Oh, speaking of Merlin, 400 00:13:52,706 --> 00:13:56,085 I heard that he was having trouble getting his wand up. 401 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,254 - [squeals] - The stone! 402 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,381 [fanfare plays] 403 00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,424 [both gasp] 404 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:08,764 [suspenseful music] 405 00:14:08,764 --> 00:14:10,933 - Magic! - Definitely. 406 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:15,104 Now, this is your last chance to prove yourself. 407 00:14:15,104 --> 00:14:17,106 Knight Olive... 408 00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:19,775 what have you heard through the grapevine? 409 00:14:19,775 --> 00:14:21,860 [choral music] 410 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,946 On the way in, I saw two people fucking under a wagon. 411 00:14:23,946 --> 00:14:25,864 all: Huzzah! 412 00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,366 [laughter] 413 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:31,287 {\an8}[upbeat music] 414 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,080 [gasps] I got in! Oh! 415 00:14:33,080 --> 00:14:35,082 I am gonna be a Thundering Titty. 416 00:14:35,082 --> 00:14:36,750 {\an8}Fleshman class, here I come! 417 00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,295 {\an8}[scatting enthusiastically] 418 00:14:39,295 --> 00:14:41,130 O-M-G-string. 419 00:14:41,130 --> 00:14:42,965 Are you strip-teasing me? 420 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:45,342 [sighs] Tuition shot up faster than a V-I-Penis 421 00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:46,427 in the champagne room. 422 00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:48,304 And I can't take out any more loans. 423 00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:51,765 I-I haven't even paid off my ass-sociate's yet. 424 00:14:51,765 --> 00:14:54,935 Now I'll never get my bachelor's party degree. 425 00:14:54,935 --> 00:14:56,812 I will just apply for financial aid 426 00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:59,106 through Drake's God's Plan... 427 00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:02,484 because strong women, they are seen and not heard. 428 00:15:02,484 --> 00:15:03,736 Mm-hmm. 429 00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:05,279 And by seen, 430 00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:07,531 I mean through both sets of lips. 431 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:09,116 [giggles, smooches] 432 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,624 Mm-hmm, come through, bottomless mimosas. 433 00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,667 Thanks for inviting me to Mary J. Brunch, Marie. 434 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:20,336 I don't want no more drama, Dawn, 435 00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:22,713 but, wow, I have not seen you since Essence, girl. 436 00:15:22,713 --> 00:15:24,340 Yeah, I did not know you were pregnant. 437 00:15:24,340 --> 00:15:26,175 - Should you be drinking? - Oh, wow. 438 00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:28,844 So now my festival baby can't get drunk when I do? 439 00:15:28,844 --> 00:15:30,846 - You've changed. - Hey! 440 00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:33,849 Oh, wow! Come on, bare faces! 441 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,560 I cannot go out in the world with ashy skin, 442 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:38,354 but y'all said, "Fuck it, we can." 443 00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:39,355 Ooh! 444 00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:40,648 Okay, have y'all been here before? 445 00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,525 Uh, excuse me, but I paid a TikTok tween $200 446 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,653 - to do my makeup. - Hello. She cute. 447 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:46,820 Girl, don't waste your money. 448 00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:47,946 With those concave cheekbones, 449 00:15:47,946 --> 00:15:49,365 you're always gonna look like that. 450 00:15:49,365 --> 00:15:50,491 Be you. 451 00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,159 I did not know there was going to be hateration 452 00:15:52,159 --> 00:15:53,410 all up in this bruncherie. 453 00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:55,204 Yeah, uh, you're a negger. [item shatters] 454 00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:57,539 - Whoa! Racist! - No-- 455 00:15:57,539 --> 00:16:00,125 Ma'am, we are not that kind of restaurant anymore. 456 00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:01,627 No, a negger... [item shatters] 457 00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,836 Like you're negging us. 458 00:16:02,836 --> 00:16:04,213 Girl, you're like IKEA furniture. 459 00:16:04,213 --> 00:16:05,631 You know, everything seems cool, 460 00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,758 but then you just end up being a pain in the ass. 461 00:16:07,758 --> 00:16:09,218 Wow, I don't think I'm doing that, 462 00:16:09,218 --> 00:16:10,886 but you are so much older than me, 463 00:16:10,886 --> 00:16:12,346 you would know better, my elder. 464 00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,555 So what y'all want? 465 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,015 - A new waitress. - Yeah. 466 00:16:15,015 --> 00:16:17,434 If I wanted to fight, I would go to Waffle House. 467 00:16:17,434 --> 00:16:19,103 Girl, don't get mad. It'll give you more wrinkles. 468 00:16:19,103 --> 00:16:20,396 Do y'all want to order, 469 00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:22,189 or you want to change into some real clothes first? 470 00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:23,357 Ooh, real clothes? 471 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:26,610 Baby, we are dressed for Mary J. Brunch, okay? 472 00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:29,613 We are more on theme than Ne-Yo at a hat convention. 473 00:16:29,613 --> 00:16:31,824 - Ha! Okay? - [laughs] 474 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:35,411 Okay, well, that's next week, so y'all kind of early. 475 00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:37,037 - Say what, now? - Who gonna be next week? 476 00:16:37,037 --> 00:16:38,580 Y'all are kind of crazy, but don't worry, 477 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,374 'cause you don't really command attention like that. 478 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,626 So what do you want-- something low-cal? 479 00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:44,920 And why would I want something low-cal? 480 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,630 Oh, I just figured you were trying to lose weight. 481 00:16:46,630 --> 00:16:48,257 - Not that you need to. - I'm pregnant. 482 00:16:48,257 --> 00:16:50,300 - Wow, at your age? - I'm 32. 483 00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:53,095 Ooh, congrats on finding somebody to knock up. 484 00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:54,888 Okay, y'all want some refills? 485 00:16:54,888 --> 00:16:56,306 You know what? Matter of fact, yeah, go get us 486 00:16:56,306 --> 00:16:57,725 some more champagne, because I'm going down. 487 00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:58,767 Okay, coming right up. 488 00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:01,270 Kept it close, 'cause y'all look like drunks. 489 00:17:01,270 --> 00:17:02,563 [chuckles] Hey. 490 00:17:02,563 --> 00:17:03,897 Ooh-hoo-hoo! 491 00:17:03,897 --> 00:17:06,066 Don't look now, but y'all finally got some attention 492 00:17:06,066 --> 00:17:07,651 from my man--ha! 493 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,361 So did y'all decide what y'all want yet? 494 00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:11,071 Yeah, we want you to treat us better 495 00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,240 and stop acting like a negger. [items shatter] 496 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,616 Wow. I'm sorry. 497 00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:15,659 Okay, my bad. 498 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:17,578 - It's just that I thought-- - Don't... 499 00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:19,747 neg us again. 500 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,206 I'm not! 501 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:24,168 And, honestly, I am blind-sided by this. 502 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,627 Okay, well, I mean, we didn't-- 503 00:17:25,627 --> 00:17:27,504 Especially from two unemployed chicks at brunch 504 00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:28,630 in the middle of the day. 505 00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:29,673 Okay, free time. 506 00:17:29,673 --> 00:17:31,341 Why are you being such a negger? 507 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:33,093 - Your mom's a negger. - Yes, she is. 508 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:35,179 That's why this is all so triggering. 509 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:36,847 Do you know when I graduated from Yale-- 510 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,057 - What is it? - Yale. 511 00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:40,142 Are you saying "jail" but, like, with a Spanish accent? 512 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:41,185 - It's a university. - Yale, Yale. 513 00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:42,686 [Spanish accent] Yale. I went to Yale. 514 00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:44,813 My mother got me a cake, and you know what she put on it? 515 00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,940 "Congrats, you're almost as good as your brother." 516 00:17:46,940 --> 00:17:48,484 The negger-dom of it all. [item shatters] 517 00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:49,985 - You graduated? - Negger. 518 00:17:49,985 --> 00:17:52,070 Negger. Negger! [item shatters] 519 00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:54,615 Hey! Can you neggers keep it down? 520 00:17:54,615 --> 00:17:55,657 We are not the neggers. 521 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,117 She's the only negger over here. 522 00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,494 Negger lovers! [item shatters] 523 00:17:58,494 --> 00:17:59,828 We don't even know her. 524 00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:01,288 Wow, that sounds like amnesia. 525 00:18:01,288 --> 00:18:02,664 It happens when you drink a lot. 526 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,166 It's probably gonna happen to your baby, too. 527 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,459 Ooh-hoo-hoo! 528 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:07,002 I'ma need you to-- I'ma need you to stop. 529 00:18:07,002 --> 00:18:08,212 - Get her, get her. - Okay? 530 00:18:08,212 --> 00:18:09,546 Will you just please stop? 531 00:18:09,546 --> 00:18:11,173 Do you think you can take some time 532 00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:13,550 and maybe say something nice without negging? 533 00:18:13,550 --> 00:18:16,762 Do you think that you can do that? 534 00:18:16,762 --> 00:18:18,347 [stammers] I can try. 535 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:20,557 - Please do. - Your eye shape is unique. 536 00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:21,934 - Okay. - Okay, there we go. 537 00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,144 - We have a start. - Like a circus freak. 538 00:18:24,144 --> 00:18:26,355 Your shoes are on trend. 539 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,190 - Thank you. - If it were 1970. 540 00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:29,775 Sir, your mustache-- 541 00:18:29,775 --> 00:18:31,985 it could win a contest... judged by pedophiles. 542 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:34,321 Look, I am a trash person, okay? 543 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:36,156 And I was never told I was good enough, 544 00:18:36,156 --> 00:18:38,075 so my love language is words of defamation. 545 00:18:38,075 --> 00:18:40,327 I just insult people and insult people 546 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:42,120 and give them backhanded compliments 547 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:43,914 like a grandma at a family reunion. 548 00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:46,750 And I won't ever change, because the truth is, 549 00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,753 I'll do the best I can, and it'll never be good enough. 550 00:18:49,753 --> 00:18:51,171 My negger. [item shatters] 551 00:18:51,171 --> 00:18:52,214 Oh, excuse me, sir. 552 00:18:52,214 --> 00:18:53,382 - Are those pancakes? - Yeah. 553 00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,008 You should focus on eating them. 554 00:18:55,008 --> 00:18:56,385 Okay. Sorry, Shania Twain. 555 00:18:56,385 --> 00:18:57,886 Who are you calling Shania Twain? 556 00:18:57,886 --> 00:18:58,887 That's what you look like. 557 00:18:58,887 --> 00:18:59,888 It's really giving Shania Twain. 558 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,265 You don't remember the music video? 559 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:03,183 You look just like that. Is that not what you're going for? 560 00:19:03,183 --> 00:19:05,018 You know what? I kind of can't unsee it now. 561 00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,270 - Shall we order? - Yeah. 562 00:19:06,270 --> 00:19:07,980 Okay, let's go. What can I get y'all? 563 00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:10,899 You know what? Um, we'll get the chicken and waffles. 564 00:19:10,899 --> 00:19:13,777 Okay, basic! But y'all do y'all. 565 00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,529 [chuckles] 566 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:20,826 Team, we have one critical mission today-- 567 00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:24,163 bring home the unmanned Fashion Nova space rover 568 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,373 with no damage... 569 00:19:26,373 --> 00:19:29,418 'cause if we fail, we lose our funding and our jobs. 570 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,295 Mm. [gasps] 571 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,422 Yes, Silia? [sighs] 572 00:19:33,422 --> 00:19:35,799 I told you, I'm not Busta Rhymes. 573 00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:38,093 You don't need to put your hands where my eyes can see. 574 00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:40,345 - Sorry, sir. [giggles] - I prefer "ma'am." 575 00:19:40,345 --> 00:19:42,931 I'm not judging your sexual preference, sir. 576 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:45,392 - It's ma'am. - Are you sure? 577 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,269 - Just spit it out, Silia. - Oh. 578 00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:50,230 The words, Silia, not your gum, the words. 579 00:19:50,230 --> 00:19:52,733 - Oh, sorry, ma'am, sir. - [sighs] 580 00:19:52,733 --> 00:19:54,484 We have a new intern, 581 00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:58,030 and I would like to welcome him personally. 582 00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,114 [giggles] 583 00:19:59,114 --> 00:20:01,408 His name is Chris. 584 00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:02,784 ♪ Nigga, bop, bop, bop ♪ 585 00:20:02,784 --> 00:20:03,952 Oh. 586 00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:06,246 {\an8}♪ 'Cause we never, never stop ♪ 587 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,581 {\an8}♪ Spaceships to the top ♪ 588 00:20:07,581 --> 00:20:10,000 {\an8}- [giggles] Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 589 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,878 Uh, hey, my braids-- you could've got them. 590 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,087 You know what? I got you. 591 00:20:14,087 --> 00:20:15,714 - You ain't got to worry... - Oh, yeah? 592 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,883 'Cause you could sit between my legs anytime. 593 00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:18,884 - Mm, word? - Mm-hmm. 594 00:20:18,884 --> 00:20:20,636 - Yeah, I can braid your hair-- - Son. 595 00:20:20,636 --> 00:20:22,763 - Yeah? - Clearly not read the manual. 596 00:20:22,763 --> 00:20:24,848 You will address me as "sir." 597 00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,516 I mean "ma'am." 598 00:20:26,516 --> 00:20:28,644 - Mom. - Ma'am. 599 00:20:28,644 --> 00:20:30,604 - Man. - Ma'am. 600 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:31,605 Moesha. 601 00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,440 What does she have to do with this? 602 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,025 - Matlock. - Ma'am. 603 00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,277 Monica versus Brandy, "The Boy Is Mine." 604 00:20:37,277 --> 00:20:38,820 - I love that song. - [sighs] 605 00:20:38,820 --> 00:20:39,947 Say "ma'am." 606 00:20:39,947 --> 00:20:41,698 - Mambo sauce. - Ma'am. 607 00:20:41,698 --> 00:20:43,200 - Mall of America. - Ma'am. 608 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,785 - Mandy Patinkin. - Ma'am. 609 00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,120 "The Mask" with Jim Carrey. [alarm blaring] 610 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:49,456 Commander, the rover's entering Earth's atmosphere, 611 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,584 and it's coming in faster than a Tyler Perry script. 612 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,337 - Silia, show me what you got. - Certainly, sir. 613 00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:56,630 Ma'am. 614 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:57,631 Oh, shit. 615 00:20:57,631 --> 00:20:59,508 Ooh-ah, ooh, ooh. 616 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:01,426 - Let me ask you this. - Where's the image? 617 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,845 - He got braids like me? - Show me the image! 618 00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:05,263 - Okay. [giggles] - [sighs] 619 00:21:05,263 --> 00:21:07,224 Boop. [alarm blaring] 620 00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,309 - Damn it! - This place titties on fire. 621 00:21:09,309 --> 00:21:12,062 For the love of Angela's bassets! 622 00:21:12,062 --> 00:21:14,314 - Pull up the rover's trajectory. - Okay. 623 00:21:14,314 --> 00:21:16,274 We need to make a water landing. 624 00:21:16,274 --> 00:21:18,694 Oh! Ah! Ooh, ooh! 625 00:21:18,694 --> 00:21:20,487 - Oh. - Oh. 626 00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:21,780 Silia! 627 00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,573 Oh! 628 00:21:23,573 --> 00:21:26,493 [grunting] Silia! 629 00:21:26,493 --> 00:21:28,620 - You need me to smack her ass? - Absolutely not. 630 00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,788 All right. 631 00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:32,833 Silia! Silia! Silia! Silia! 632 00:21:32,833 --> 00:21:34,209 She a'ight? 633 00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,585 She's gone. 634 00:21:35,585 --> 00:21:37,212 Oh, okay, you want me to leave? 635 00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,255 I can take off. 636 00:21:38,255 --> 00:21:40,048 Chris, right now you are my only hope. 637 00:21:40,048 --> 00:21:44,177 I need you to take the Fashion Nova space oath 638 00:21:44,177 --> 00:21:46,972 before I let you operate the rover. 639 00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,724 So repeat after me. 640 00:21:48,724 --> 00:21:50,350 I, Chris... 641 00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,810 - Me Chris? - Yes. 642 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:54,563 I, Chris, do solemnly swear 643 00:21:54,563 --> 00:21:57,524 to uphold the standards of Fashion Nova 644 00:21:57,524 --> 00:21:59,484 on Earth as it is in space. 645 00:21:59,484 --> 00:22:02,404 Now, to confirm it, just give me a verbal yes. 646 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:03,363 Yurp. 647 00:22:03,363 --> 00:22:04,531 Oh, w-what? 648 00:22:04,531 --> 00:22:05,949 - Yellowtail. - Yes. 649 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,201 - Yogurtland. - I just need a simple yes. 650 00:22:08,201 --> 00:22:09,953 Yuzu. [alarm blaring] 651 00:22:09,953 --> 00:22:11,246 What? No. Just a yes. 652 00:22:11,246 --> 00:22:12,956 - You know what I mean? - Yes. 653 00:22:12,956 --> 00:22:15,250 - Yikes. - Ya--Yes. 654 00:22:15,250 --> 00:22:16,460 Yeti. 655 00:22:16,460 --> 00:22:18,086 [screams] 656 00:22:18,086 --> 00:22:19,588 - See? - Just give me a yes. 657 00:22:19,588 --> 00:22:22,382 - Yippee ki-yay. - Motherfucker. 658 00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:23,800 - Yes. - Yahtzee. 659 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,761 - No. yes. - Yoni egg. 660 00:22:25,761 --> 00:22:27,763 I don't know what the fuck that is, but I need a yes. 661 00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:29,598 - Yaki straight. - Aah! 662 00:22:29,598 --> 00:22:31,266 Yes! Just--just say yes! 663 00:22:31,266 --> 00:22:33,018 - Young Jeezy. - Jeez. 664 00:22:33,018 --> 00:22:35,228 You are dumber than Silia. 665 00:22:35,228 --> 00:22:37,147 I don't know how that's possible. 666 00:22:37,147 --> 00:22:41,109 - Y...ahya Abdul-Mateen II. - No. Oh. 667 00:22:41,109 --> 00:22:44,404 [alarm blaring] Oh, we don't have time 668 00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:45,906 for these games! 669 00:22:45,906 --> 00:22:47,741 The rover--it's crashing. 670 00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:51,036 The squirrel that is manning that thing will die. 671 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:53,830 The fashion world needs you, Chris. 672 00:22:53,830 --> 00:22:56,166 Come on, just give me a yes! 673 00:22:56,166 --> 00:22:58,460 - Kind of feisty. I like that. - Okay. 674 00:22:58,460 --> 00:23:00,462 [dramatic music] 675 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:03,298 - All right, I got you. - [exhales sharply] Great. 676 00:23:03,298 --> 00:23:05,133 - Just say yes. - No doubt. 677 00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:06,426 No. Yes. 678 00:23:06,426 --> 00:23:07,511 No stress. 679 00:23:07,511 --> 00:23:08,845 I am stressed. 680 00:23:08,845 --> 00:23:11,223 - Say yes. - To the dress. 681 00:23:11,223 --> 00:23:12,974 Have you ever heard the word yes? 682 00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:14,476 - I fucks with it. - Okay, great. 683 00:23:14,476 --> 00:23:15,936 - The just--just say it. - It. 684 00:23:15,936 --> 00:23:18,814 [screaming, crying] 685 00:23:18,814 --> 00:23:21,274 [grunting] Who needs a yes? 686 00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:23,276 [screaming] Come on! 687 00:23:23,276 --> 00:23:25,278 [screaming] 688 00:23:25,278 --> 00:23:26,446 Just say yes! 689 00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:29,282 I mean, I feel like I said it. 690 00:23:29,282 --> 00:23:31,451 Oh, your shit blew up. 691 00:23:31,451 --> 00:23:34,704 Oh, I'm sorry, guys. My ass shots make me sleepy. 692 00:23:34,704 --> 00:23:36,456 - Hey, girl. - Oh, no! 693 00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:38,625 My discount... 694 00:23:38,625 --> 00:23:40,961 and the squirrel. 695 00:23:42,254 --> 00:23:43,296 {\an8}- Midnight. - Ma'am. 696 00:23:43,296 --> 00:23:44,840 {\an8}Marauder. "Monday Night Football." 697 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,466 {\an8}"Murder, She Wrote." Mammary. 698 00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:48,343 {\an8}Malcolm-Jamal Warner. Mozambique. 699 00:23:48,343 --> 00:23:50,053 {\an8}Maternity ward. Mm, mm, good. 700 00:23:50,053 --> 00:23:51,888 {\an8}Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. 701 00:23:51,888 --> 00:23:54,099 {\an8}You ever been with a nigga who's gainfully unemployed? 702 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,893 {\an8}I take '90s hip-hop classes on Saturdays and Wednesdays. 703 00:23:56,893 --> 00:23:58,311 {\an8}- Oh, that's cute. - So don't get into it. 704 00:23:58,311 --> 00:23:59,688 {\an8}At what senior center? 705 00:23:59,688 --> 00:24:01,314 {\an8}The ones with the funny-looking-- 706 00:24:01,314 --> 00:24:03,483 {\an8}What is happening here? What's wrong with her? 707 00:24:03,483 --> 00:24:05,652 {\an8}Right now we need to lift up Trina 708 00:24:05,652 --> 00:24:07,654 {\an8}in the light of the Black Lady Courtroom. 709 00:24:07,654 --> 00:24:09,447 {\an8}[all clap hands] That was your last chance. 710 00:24:09,447 --> 00:24:10,866 {\an8}- You want to try it again? - Y'all cute. RandB. 711 00:24:10,866 --> 00:24:12,325 {\an8}- You want to do it with-- - Y'all cute. RandB. 712 00:24:12,325 --> 00:24:13,869 {\an8}- Chloe will do it with you. - No, I don't want it. 713 00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:14,995 {\an8}Never mind. 714 00:24:14,995 --> 00:24:16,830 {\an8}Maybe this could be a nice moment to reconcile. 715 00:24:16,830 --> 00:24:17,956 {\an8}Objection. Sustained. 716 00:24:17,956 --> 00:24:19,875 {\an8}Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 717 00:24:19,875 --> 00:24:21,877 {\an8}My client had to borrow her afro products 718 00:24:21,877 --> 00:24:24,713 {\an8}from the lady of rage, and she took a while to deliver. 719 00:24:24,713 --> 00:24:26,381 {\an8}Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 720 00:24:26,381 --> 00:24:28,717 {\an8}My client was applying her makeup with a crayon 721 00:24:28,717 --> 00:24:29,968 {\an8}and lost track of time. 722 00:24:29,968 --> 00:24:31,720 {\an8}Forgive me, Your Honor. 723 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:33,930 {\an8}My client was auditioning for "Black Panther 3" 724 00:24:33,930 --> 00:24:36,474 {\an8}and lost to an actual black panther. 725 00:24:36,474 --> 00:24:38,393 {\an8}Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 726 00:24:38,393 --> 00:24:40,520 {\an8}My client was making a charcuterie board 727 00:24:40,520 --> 00:24:42,022 {\an8}and ran out of board. 728 00:24:42,022 --> 00:24:43,523 Sorry I'm late, Your Honor. 729 00:24:43,523 --> 00:24:45,483 My client was doing a "Get Ready With Me" 730 00:24:45,483 --> 00:24:46,735 and forgot to get ready. 731 00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,862 - all: Black Lady Courtroom! - Hey! 732 00:24:48,862 --> 00:24:51,072 - all: Black Lady Courtroom! - Wait a minute, Shantira. 733 00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:52,741 Wait a minute! 734 00:25:04,336 --> 00:25:07,297 [bright tone] 735 00:25:07,347 --> 00:25:11,897 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0